Just saying...

This is not a blog about running.

I will not be posting a link on my Facebook page.

It is just something I need to get off my chest.

Today, at work I spoke with a student about how no one should make her feel uncomfortable and outlined the steps she should take, given that someone she worked with was repeatedly sending her unwanted text messages.

I spoke to the whole group (boys and girls) about what it meant to respect oneself and to stand up to sexist/racist/homophobic behaviour.

I patted myself on the back as I drove home.  I told myself I was making a difference.  I was helping the next generation become stronger, helping them to realise that belittling women was wrong.  I was feeling smug.

A few hours later I was at the pub.  It was one of those 'class parents get together' type events where you are supposed to be on best behaviour while enjoying indifferent food and overpriced alcohol.  And to add to the fun a 'sporting activity' (well, okay - skittles) was added to the mix.

It was all going well until my second attempt at knocking down the skittles.  As I bent over to pick up the balls one of the dads groped my arse.  It wasn't accidental.  I was horrified, I was mortified.  I said and did nothing.  I was embarrassed.  I watched him for the rest of the evening.  His wife was in the same room.  I wasn't the sole recipient of his attentions.  I couldn't believe that I was the only person who had noticed his behaviour.

I started to listen to my inner monologue.  'I can't say anything because his wife is so lovely and she'd be horrified.'  'I wouldn't have been upset if it had been X as we always have  a bit of risqué banter going on.'  'Oh, heavens - he's just smacked her bum as well - how is no one else noticing?'

How damning is it that a loud mouthed woman in her mid forties does not feel comfortable about saying stop to a man who doesn't respect boundaries?   How unacceptable would a man's behaviour have to be for me (or one of the other women there this evening) to have turned around and asked him to stop?

What hope is there for teenagers who are only just coming to terms with their own identities?

Three Molehills

There is a reason I don't do team sports.  I don't want to be the person who lets the team down by being, you know, a bit crap.  This is the reason I like running.  The only person who I am letting down if I have a bad day is myself.  Running is perfect.  So obviously when I saw a Facebook post asking if anyone was free to make up a relay team I ignored it didn't I?  Obviously… not!

Part of the appeal was that it meant I didn't have to get out at sparrow fart to travel up to London with Husbando - one of my team mates offered to pick me up at 8am, which gave me a lie in.  A group of runners had arranged to take part in The Three Molehills and a member of one of the teams had dropped out through injury.  The upshot was that I found myself travelling to Dorking to meet a load of new people.  What could be better?  Hills and people I don't know - two things I find stressful.  Just to add to the sense of joy it was raining.  Not a gentle drizzle or a light misting of rain, but proper miserable rain.

We arrived at Denbies near Dorking and were directed to park on a muddy field and walked up the road to the race HQ in the restaurant/cafe/conference place.  One huge benefit of this venue is the proper loos and the restaurant right near the start. We collected race numbers, drank tea, had nervous wees, made impulse purchases (see later) etc. before going outside to listen to the run brief - we sheltered under an overhang to listen to this and to be honest I didn't really listen as I was trying to keep warm.  There were course changes mentioned - due to flooding on the route - and I decided to stick with my road shoes as my leg was on road for all bar 600m.

After this our first runner was off, and the rest of us vanished back into the warm.  I had bought a pair of sleeves after having a bit of a wardrobe crisis.  It was cold out there - too cold for setting off in short sleeves, but I knew I would get too warm if I wore layers.  I've never owned 'sleeves' before and they are a revelation!  I love them.   Hanging around was a bit odd.  You normally turn up for a race and just run… I had to wait for the other 2 members of my team to finish before I got my turn.   I stood under the overhang to watch for my team mate while mentally calculating the shortest possible route to the transition area avoiding as many puddles as possible.

My leg was billed as 2 miles out and 2 miles back - up hill all the way out and down hill on the way back.  It was odd to start a race all by myself.  I found it hard to settle into a rhythm, and boy, was it ever going to stop raining?  I ran up through the vineyard overtaking (yes really) people even though I ran the fist mile in 9.30min/mile pace!  I looked at my Garmin just once and saw how slow I was running and decided not to look again and just do my best.  The course was twisty and turny, not overly steep but relentlessly up hill.  It was almost all on roads or hard paths, and there were some stunning views over Dorking, or would have been if we hadn't been peering through clouds!  We ran past a pretty church where I had to avoid being ploughed down by a shiny black Range Rover whose driver obviously didn't trust his car's ability to deviate from the centre of the road at all!   Then there was the 600m on 'grass!' It wasn't grass, it wasn't even mud - it was a swamp!  I had to walk - in road shoes there was no grip at all!  Then we turned around and it was downhill all the way.  Lovely!

Lovely to encourage all the other runners as they trudged up the hill.  I couldn't really let fly down the hill - wet concrete paths, covered with wet fallen leaves and a fair amount of mud made for treacherous conditions - add into that some really tight turns and a bit of caution was called for.  That said I made up a lot of time on the downhill bringing my overall pace down to 8.20min/mile.  (6.18min/mile for the last half mile must have brought the average down a bit!)  The marshals were so cheerful and encouraging, it must be really miserable standing for hours in the rain but they just kept smiling.

I didn't pay much attention to the clock as I crossed the line - but knew it was around 1hr 56mins (actually 1hr 56mins 32sec) which isn't too shabby for 15 hilly miles.  I crossed the line, picked up my medal, chocolate bar and bottle of wine before rejoining the everyone in the restaurant, drinking a cup of tea, getting changed into dry clothes and sharing war stories.  The first leg, up and down Box Hill, sounded brutal - with 270 steps to be negotiated.

After every one of my new friends was back in, warmed through and photographs had been taken we went our separate ways.  Four of us stopping for a pub lunch (roast pork with all the trimmings which included Yorkshire pudding) on the way home.

A great day out.  Definitely one I'd consider doing next year - maybe even the individual challenge rather than the relay.  Although if the weather is anything like it was today I may well stay in bed!

Slippy, slidey mud sections

Last night I went out for supper with friends to celebrate my birthday.  Not just any birthday, but a birthday that takes me into a new age category for parkrun.  My intention had been to run as fast as I could at parkrun to mark this momentous occasion, but I scuppered that idea last night by eating more than I normally eat in a week and drinking enough alcohol to constitute what government guidelines would probably deem binge drinking if I'd shared it with the five other diners… but I didn't share.  I wanted nothing more than to roll over and go back to sleep when the alarm went at 6.30am.  But parkrun beckoned, and I'd made arrangements to go to Horsham parkrun with a friend to meet up with some other friends.  And The Fredster needed run if he was to make his 100th parkrun on target.

So off we set.  Thankfully I was not driving and navigating was enough of a challenge for me.  We got to Horsham Park with plenty of time to spare, parked our car and found the loos and then made our way to the start.  The weather was dry, but the wind was chilly and we tried to keep warm while the small boys climbed a tree.  TheFredster planned to 'run' with a friend who was planning to walk as he is recovering from knee surgery, which freed me up to run.  Great, I thought, what a wasted opportunity - I felt sick and a wee bit fragile!  We listened to the run brief - there were about 200 runners, not bad for the 10th event, and then made our way to the start, where we observed a minute's silence for Remembrance Day.

The start was on a fairly narrow path, which made for a bit of congestion, but we were soon underway with a gentle downhill on a tarmac path.  And then we were off the path and on the grass.  Well, I say 'grass' but it was more of a bog in sections, which made for heavy going and much slipping and sliding!  There was one short, muddy, uphill section that was particularly challenging, with my feet just slipping backwards as I made my way up it.  It was tough going.  I looked at my watch and realised that the pace I was struggling to maintain was the same pace I'd found so easy to maintain for a half marathon last weekend!  Part of this was due to the conditions underfoot, but a lot of it was self inflicted!

Hearing that a parkrun is a three lapper normally fills me with dread, but there was so much going on in the park that it was a really interesting run.  There were children playing football, people being beasted by ex-army PT instructors (who on Earth wants to pay to be shouted at and do press-ups in a wet field?) people riding bikes and a silver sculpture thing!  And each lap seemed shorter than the last - which is odd, because I them all at the same pace!  As I ran I realised that TheFredster was not with the person I thought he'd be with, or his wife, it was only about half a mile from the finish that I caught up with him running with my other friend and her son.  

I ran past them and tried to pick up the pace a bit to make it to the finish.  I still felt ghastly and wanted to stop running more than anything on the planet.  I threw myself through the finish funnel and was convinced that I was about to chunder.  I staggered to a nearby fence and leaned on it while I regained my composure and checked my watch.  24.17 - not bad,  second fastest time this year!

Post run coffee (and breakfast for the boys) was taken at The Conservatory Cafe.  It was lovely to see so many parkrunners chatting and getting to know each other.  The food looked pretty good too!

The results came through pretty quickly - I was thrilled to see that I was first in my new age category, which was a nice start.  I am sure that I will be back to run at Horsham again sometime soon - but maybe I will wait until it is dryer underfoot.  And when I am a little less fragile!

Thank you to the Horsham parkrun team for a lovely event.

Thames Meander

This time last week I had no races planned until February.  That suited me just fine.  I'd run a good half marathon and was quite happy just to bimble through the rest of the year, having a nice slow start to my training for next year's marathons.  Then someone mentioned that they were running a half marathon in Kingston, and as I had nothing planned I thought I'd look into it.  I almost got no further than that.  The Fredster is due to run his 100th parkrun on 29th November - it has to happen then as a Facebook 'event' has been set up, and that means he couldn't miss a Saturday.  But, but, but… the race started at the same place as parkrun…. could we do this?  Yes we could!  

So, having left it too late to enter online, I emailed the race organisers to check that there would be plenty of availability to enter on the day, persuaded my reluctant 15 year old to a) get up early on the last Saturday of half term and b) run with her 10 year old brother.  I thought it might be possible for me to run both parkrun and the race, but really didn't want to risk having to make a mad dash from the finish of one to the start of another.  We set off this morning with loads of time to spare.  I'd forgotten how hopelessly lost I'd got the last time I tried to get to the venue (Kingston parkrun back in March this year or maybe last year).  Sat nav is great, but not infallible.  I ended up doing a couple of loops of a Kingston before finding the right turning.  Getting lost is stressful.  Being late is stressful. I hate getting lost and I hate being late.  Trying to work out how to get where I need to be at the time I need to be there with two children in the car is very stressful.  Needless to say we got there in the end, and we weren't late but the car park was full, so we had to find somewhere to park on the street and then barrel along the towpath to the Hawker Centre where I registered for the race and bumped into lots of friends.  

I saw the children off on their parkrun, then chatted with people while I waited for them to come back.  It started to rain.  It had been seasonably chilly since we'd woken up and now it was raining.  I patted myself on the back for remembering to bring my hat with me and was a little cross with myself for thinking I would be happy in a vest top and shorts!  While we waited of the parkrunners to return, the Thames Meander Marathon runners set off - to the accompaniment of bag pipes!  

The half marathoners set off at 10am.  It was still overcast and drizzling and, for the first time in a long time, it was cold!  We set off down the towpath from Kingston towards Kew.  This was a flat marathon and it should have been really easy - but the towpaths were uneven - think compacted gravel paths, hugely degraded tarmac paths and sections that were muddy with tree roots and that was most of the path - interspersed with short sections of 'proper pavement' and cobbles!  It was the sort of terrain the looks as though you can just run without thinking, but actually you needed to concentrate to make sure that you don't trip.  Within the first few miles I'd seen someone face plant spectacularly in front of me!   The path was narrow which meant that going was slow at the start unit the field spread out a bit.  It was lovely to chat to other runners and enjoy what was rapidly becoming a very warm and sunny day!  While I was chatting with some other runners (@777epic - who are planning to run 7 marathons in 7 days in 7 continents) I heard another runner mutter 'I won't be beaten by a mother of 5!'  Hmmm… more of that later!

At the halfway/turnaround point I managed to mess up the turn and found myself running through a garden, then scrambling through a hedge to get back on the towpath.   The return leg was  a great opportunity to encourage fellow runners as I saw them.  This return half was much busier in terms of avoiding other towpath users.  Cyclists, walkers, scooter users and dogs (on and off leads) were in abundance.  I'm not a huge fan of dogs - especially when I don't know them and they aren't on a lead - I could feel myself pulling up short every time one got close.    

At around 7 miles I was aware of the man who didn't want to be beaten by an old bird on my shoulder. He was working hard, breathing heavily, as he tried to keep up.  I wasn't working hard.  I decided to change gear and put some distance between us.  Even stopping for a drink at the drink station didn't allow him enough time to catch up with me.  

The sound of bagpipes meant that I was approaching the finish line.  Bagpipes can carry a long distance, but I had lots of energy left, so I out on a burst of speed to finish strongly.   I was looking out for the children as I threw myself towards the line, but didn't see them!  I crossed the line in a chip time of 1hr 48mins 41 secs.  I'd have been thrilled with that a few weeks ago - but today I felt I could have done better.  I didn't need to stop at both the water stations to drink as I had a water bottle with me, messing up the turn about cost me time, as did my trepidation about the uneven ground.  I was gratified to find that I was the 18th woman to finish.  And it is another sub 1hr50 half time so I should be very happy.

There was a little bit of drama after the finish - we couldn't find The Fredster!  He'd gone off to cheer me at the finish, while the 15 year old had stayed in the cafe being a 15 year old grumpy girl!  I hadn't seen him and he had not seen me, so he just stayed where he was, about 300 m from the finish cheering in all the other runners while he wondered where I was!  It was only when a friend from Hatch Warren Runners finished and told us where he was that we managed to locate him!  

The bling is lovely.  There was also lots of cake and biscuits at the finish - which was enjoyed in the sunshine before heading off home.  The event organisation was fantastic!  This is my first Hermes Running event, but it will not be my last.

A walk in the park.

Up early again this morning for the journey to London, I have to say that getting up for work at 5.45am is going to be something a lie in tomorrow!  After last Sunday's trip to the marathon that wasn't I had double checked all the race documentation and then checked again.  Because Husbando was going to a book fair all I had to do was snooze in the passenger seat, it also meant that we arrived in London in time to have a second breakfast and I got to practice trying to look cool and relaxed trying to take a selfie.  I am not much good at taking selfies but my darling daughter caught me trying!

On the tube from Russell Square to Knightsbridge I marvelled at how I could possibly have been daft enough to have made a similar journey last weekend and not realised much sooner that I had the wrong date.  It was standing room only, and ram packed with runners.  I chatted with a runner about to embark on her first half marathon and to another runner who was taking part in the Ultra.  The race village is huge - as it incorporates a food festival as well as all the charity marquees.  The weather was better than had been forecast, so I decided to drop my bag off at the bag check and threw on an old tshirt to keep out the chill.  It was almost up to the job.  With time to kill, and not seeing anyone around that I recognised, I made my way to the UNICEF stand.  UNICEF are amazingly supportive of their runners and I was thrilled to be able to support them by running on a ballot place rather than using a charity place this year.

Last night Husbando and I were talking about Paris-Versailles and what I should aim to do today.  I knew that the hill had been my downfall in Paris, but the Royal Parks Half is (almost) as flat as a pancake.  I knew I wanted to try for a PB (set in March 2013 at Reading: 1hr 52mins 19seconds).  Husbando had some daft notion that I should go for 1hr 45 mins.  Bonkers.  That would require me to run at 8min/mile pace ALL THE WAY!  Bonkers.  I stood, shivering in the starting area and decided with about 30 seconds to go that yes, I was desperate for a wee.  I knew that this was highly improbably - being as I'd availed myself of the lovely portaloos only a few minutes earlier - but the idea took hold and reasserted itself every time I saw a 'Toilets ahead' sign for the next 13.1 miles! 

There were two pace runners running 1hr 50mins - I started near the one furthest back and my race plan was nothing more sophisticated than staying ahead of the pace runners to ensure I got my PB.  I decided that, to give my self the best chance of getting my time, I would catch up with the one further forward, overtake her and then just hold on.  I caught her quite easily, and then just kept on going.  I kept thinking 'Oh, this is good, I'm running well, I can't keep it up, but it is fun while it lasts!'   I thanked as many marshals as I could, chatted to a runner in a gorilla suit (I suggested that he could at least have shaved his legs), cheered the Combat Stress team running with a stretcher and thanked everyone who called out my name as I ran past.  It is only good manners after all!  Although one of the other runners did comment that they'd never heard anyone thanking the marshals before - maybe that is something that doesn't normally happen at 'big' races?  

Running up the Mall I realised that I had run my fastest 5 miles ever.  Entering Hyde Park, and being hit with the wall of noise I was loving my run.  I hit 10k in my PB time - maybe a smidge faster and in the time it good me to run 10 miles in Paris I ran just over 11 miles today.  At some point I realised that I was definitely going to get a PB and I eased off a little bit.  Then I did a few calculations (not easy - my 12 x table had totally deserted me) and realised there was a chance I could get a time under one hour fifty.  That, I decided, would be amazing.  I was still chatting to people around me, keeping my eyes open for familiar faces - but not seeing any and just enjoying the fantastic weather and fabulous surroundings.  

Approaching the finish I, yet again, metaphorically kicked myself for not doing any track running.  I looked at my watch as I got to the '800m to go' sign, saw that it said 1:41 and some change and had no idea if that meant I could finish in 1:45.  I looked at my watch as I got to the '400m to go' sign and couldn't work out how long I'd taken as my brain was just refusing to do any form of simple mathematics (although it was allowing me to nag some poor man who desperately wanted to walk the last 500m!)   There really was nothing for it other than to throw myself towards the finish line as fast as I could.   So that's what I did.  I crossed the line, stopped my Garmin and could barely believe my eyes.  I swore.  I was in shock - one lovely marshal put his arm round me and asked if I was OK, 'I can't run that fast - I don't believe it!'  I replied.  'Oh, but you have done it darlin'!' he replied.  

After that it was all medals, bananas, water bottles and goody bags (one of the best goody bags around) as I made my way back to the race village and the UNICEF stand.  A quick massage of my quads was most welcome as were the congratulations of the support team.  I bought myself a celebratory hoodie and was thrilled that I had to put the small back and get an extra small!  

Split times

Lunch with friends from San Francisco, who we haven't seen for about 8 or 9 years, served to refuel and refresh.  Lovely to catch up with all their news!  All in all a fantastic day.  I still can't believe I have run a half marathon in less than an hour and three quarters.  I may get DOMS of the face from smiling so much!  I'll definitely be back next year - this race is just so pretty and so well organised.  Hopefully I will get lucky in the ballot - if not I'll be after everyone for sponsorship.

This blog post has been brought to you by a cup of tea and a salted caramel chocolate pot! 

Bath

This post vanished overnight - no idea how or why! Thanks to kind friends who still had it open on their computers I have managed to get the text back - but the formatting and the links have gone. I don't have time to add those back in now - sorry!

I'm not quite sure when I took leave of my senses and decided that, after a busy week at work and no more than four and a half hours sleep in any one night, it would be a good idea to get up early on a Saturday morning so that I could get down to Bath for parkrun. I think that such madness has overtaken me before and no doubt will do so again in the future, but leaving the house at 6am this morning was very hard work! Thankfully Husbando was on his way to the Bath Bookfair so I could snooze while he did all the driving.

After dropping Husbando and number one daughter in the centre of Bath, the Fredster and I headed on up to the new Bath Skyline parkrun. When I heard that Bath was getting a parkrun my first thought was 'hills.' When I heard that it was to be at Claverton Down I was sure that there would be hills. Husbando did part of his MSc at the University of Bath so walking (staggering?) up Bathwick Hill is hardly a novel experience! With a little bit of trepidation I parked the car and we made our way to the start. Wearing my 100 club jacket meant that several people asked me which way to go to get to the start - I had not idea but we found our way by following the signs that said 'To the Start!' When we got there we immediately spotted two gorgeous huskies. Even while I was thinking 'They look like Ian & Sandra's huskies,' I recognised Ian and Sandra standing with them - it was good to catch up with them briefly, the Fredster was very enamoured by the huskies and spent the rest of the day trying to convince me we should get a dog. I did try to play the 'But I'm allergic to dogs' card - but it would be acceptable to him for me to move out and a dog to move in!

After a run briefing we assembled in the finish funnel to await the count down and then we were off. The course is a single lap made up of two loops, mainly on paths and across and a few fields. In contrast to my expectations, the course is remarkably flat taking in part of The National Trust's Bath Skyline walk. There was one short section of steps, probably about 15 in total - the rustic sort of steps you find cut into steep hills in the countryside. They weren't particularly arduous, but the uneven length of them would make it hard to get into any sort of rhythm when running up them. I wasn't running though - we were in a group who were all walking and it was too tricky to get past them safely. We weren't particularly worried about time though - if we had been we wouldn't have stopped to take photos! One of the advantages of running slowly is that you notice more. The views were absolutely stunning - this has to be the most scenic parkrun I have ever run. And even when you can't see these an amazing view the route is varied enough to keep you interested; woodland, rugby pitches, open fields and some gentle down hill slopes - just lovely.

I will definitely be back to run this again. Freddy loved it too although he had his slowest parkrun for a long time as we were so busy looking around. It was lovely to visit another new baby parkrun. There were 129 runners today and a cheerful band of volunteers. 49 of the runners were first time parkrunners - which augers well for the success of this fabulous event.

Post parkrun we didn't hang around for coffee, but went back to Bath and grabbed a brownie from The Bertinet Bakery - I figure that a quarter of a very good brownie is allowed if one is running a half marathon the next day! We did some sightseeing - Freddy wanted to see Bath as he has been learning about the bombs that were dropped on the city during the war. When Husbando was at University in Bath the bomb damaged area was much more obvious - with the 1960s shopping mall near the station being a real eyesore. The redevelopment of that part of the city centre is a huge improvement!

I must mention our lunch venue! We went to The Circus (Fred stayed with number one daughter at the book fair) and had an amazing lunch with a friend. Really good food, excellent service and only £40 for the three of us! I cannot recommend it highly enough.

A lovely day for a half marathon.

There were several half marathons I could have run this  morning, including the, very local  and easy to get to,  Basingstoke Half Marathon.  I've never run the Basingstoke Half as it has always coincided with another race that I have wanted to run, some years it has been Paris to Versailles, other years it has been the Royal Parks Half Marathon, and that was the case, as far as I was concerned, this year.  Indeed I remembered way back when the ballot for the Royal Parks Half opened saying 'If I don't get a ballot place this year, I won't use a UNICEF place, I'll run Basingstoke instead.' And that was that.  As it was I got a ballot place and thought no more about it.  

Given that we live in commuter land, just over an hour from Waterloo, you'd think getting to London for a 9am race on a Sunday would be a piece of cake, wouldn't you?  You'd be wrong.  The only way I could do it was to get a train from a station 40 minutes away, which left at 7am.  I do not like being late or even rushing a bit to make sure I am on time, so this meant that the wonderful Husbando had to leave the house at 6am to drive me to the station.  The station was freezing, but the coffee shop opened and a hot cup of coffee soon warmed me up.  Lots of lycra clad people started to fill up the platform, most of them (in retrospect pretty much all of them) had bikes with them.  Amongst them was a friend of mine, so we boarded the train together and chatted as we made our way to  the big city!  

We parted at Waterloo, and I went down to the Underground.  Despite the early hour of the train I was cutting it fine to get to the race village, but I was somewhat surprised not to see other runners on the tube with me.  On getting out at Hyde Park Corner I actually began to panic that I was really late and that everyone else was on the start line.  It was so quiet….. then I realised that it was too quiet.  There was no rave village, there was no starting area, there were no runners, no spectators.  Just a few, lone runners enjoying the early morning sunshine.  I got out my 'phone and googled…  

I may hate being late, and have a bit of a reputation for getting everywhere too early, but I have excelled myself this time. I was a whole week too early!  I made my way back to Waterloo, pondering what to do.  I decided to go for a run anyway, and left my race bag at left luggage on the station and set out for a steady 10 miles along the Thames.  Having started off heading West, I remembered that I wanted to look at the poppies at the Tower of London, so crossed a bridge and turned back to run East. It was a wee bit later than when I normally run in London, and there were far more people around, but it was fun.  The poppies were glorious, well worth a trip up to London!  

Looking on the bright side, as one has to, better a week early than a week late, at least I didn't make this mistake with an overseas race and I won't need to get the train up to London next Sunday as Husbando is driving up to the book fair to exhibit his wares - I can snooze in the car and arrive early enough to eat breakfast before I go to the race.  I ate too early this morning and was getting very hungry towards the end of my run, so a later breakfast may well be in order next week.   My race bag is packed and ready to go, so there should be no problem finding things at the last minute.  All I have to do is decide on my race strategy.  I ran Paris to Versailles at an average pace of 8.38min/mile, which included lots of running around slower runners and that hill.  My half marathon PB saw me running with an average pace of 8.33min/mile, so I'd need to hit a pace of 8.30min/mile in order to ensure I get a PB.  Realistically I would have to aim for a slightly faster pace than that as an insurance policy against Garmin error.  Can I do it?  I don't know.  Will I go for it?  Yes, I think I will.